NOURISH BODIES, CHANGE MINDS: HOW TO HOST A HOLIDAY DINNER PARTY.

November 8, 2019

We’re headed into the thick of it: November and December bring a freight train of emotionally-charged gatherings, from Thanksgiving and Hanukkah to Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s Eve. Holiday dinner parties and events draw together friends and family from all walks of life, and all stations of belief. Stress flows like wine and differing points of view are as abundant as sugar. This year, more than ever before, I wanted a primer to make it through—to be able to have the kinds of meaningful conversations I value, no matter where or with whom I found myself. I know it’s ambitious, and perhaps it’s impossible, but I’m here to try, to seek new ways of making meaning during The Holidays™.

Living in a country that may be more politically polarized than ever before, I’m curious if it’s possible to sit down over a meal with those who see the world differently than I do and make any kind of headway in conversation. And just as fervently, I want to know if I can come together with friends who hold the same beliefs and walk away feeling not just stuffed and self-satisfied, but ready with an action plan to make change in the year ahead.

Asking questions matters. And few things seem more important today than creating the space to be with, see, and listen to the people I love—and those I don’t yet know.

Inspired by the work of Nourish Resist in Northern California, I bring you a suggested menu for a holiday dinner, a little pre-dinner reading and listening, a set of conversation-starting questions to guide your time together, and an action plan for meal’s end.

Gather with at least a few friends or family members, and welcome the idea of getting to know people with different life experiences and philosophies than you. This will enrich the conversation greatly.

If you’re hosting or enjoying, please share on social media using #nourishbodieschangeminds, and tag me @lilydiamond so I can bear witness.

THE FOOD

Unless you want to do all the cooking yourself (which—more power to you), I recommend you do potluck-style and have each friend or family member contribute a dish. The menu I’ve curated below is here for inspiration, or direct assignment, as desired. And by all means, feel free to go off-menu.

BEFORE THE DINNER

In the spirit of education and illumination, encourage your guests to do a bit of reading and listening to prepare for an active and engaging conversation. I recommend:

How to Talk to Your Family About Politics on Thanksgiving by Rachel Cargle

Everything You Learned About Thanksgiving is Wrong from the New York Times

The Thanksgiving Tale We Tell Is a Harmful Lie by Sean Sherman, The Sioux Chef, in Time Magazine

How Race Was Made: Episode 2 of Seeing White from Scene on Radio (and Episode 1 while you’re at it)

Dick Move: Episode 1 of MEN from Scene on Radio

AT THE DINNER

As you ask each other the following questions, remember to:

1. Listen. Make yourself available to hear what the person in front of you is saying, rather than thinking about what you’re going to say next, or what you wish they were saying, or what your boss said to you at work this week. It’s not easy, but trying makes all the difference. Just listen.

2. Act. If you don’t like the conversation going on around you, it’s up to you to change it. Change it with your body, your actions, your words, and your mind.

With this in mind, here are some questions to guide your conversation:

1. What brings each of us here tonight, and what do you hope to leave with?

2. Whose hi/stories do we tell tonight, and on the holidays that we celebrate? Whose hi/stories do we leave out? And why?

3. Who is present at the table tonight? Who is not? Are loved ones missing or deceased? Are certain types of people more welcome than others?

4. What kinds of questions and conversation are welcomed at the table, and what is considered off-limits? Why?

5. What were your biggest takeaways from any of the items you read or listened to prior to arriving tonight?

6. (Ask a neighbor.) What can I do to make you feel a little bit safer, a little bit more at ease, a little bit bigger in your heart, and mind, and body right now?

7. How are we each going to take responsibility for creating a world where we aren’t the only ones who are safe, but where all people are safe—particularly people of color, indigenous people, womxn, and members of the LGBTQIA+ community?

8. What keeps you sane? How are we going to keep each other sane through it all?

9. How are we going to talk to the people in our lives who think, live, and hold beliefs differently from us? How are we going to ask them to step up and take a stand for the safety of marginalized communities and people who do not look like them?

TO CLOSE THE DINNER

Here are a few things you can do to take immediate action to galvanize progressive, liberal change in your immediate community and around the country:

1. Learn from and listen to people who don’t look, live, or sound like you. Listen to more episodes of the podcasts recommended above, pre-order Layla Saad’s book White Supremacy & Me, and read Robin DiAngelo’s book White Fragility.

2. Sign up for Swing Left and help move the needle towards stronger progressive policy in swing states and districts near you.

3. Volunteer for Swing Left or other organizations that need support in your community.

4. Be vocal. Talk to friends and family. Talk to people who don’t look or live like you. Check in with the people of color, womxn, and LGBTQIA+ people in your life. And very importantly: Strategize with the people in your life about how you can take a stand for each other and for others.

VEGETARIAN HOLIDAY DINNER PARTY MENU

And now, the food. Here’s a four course vegetarian and gluten-free optional menu that is also just plain delicious.

Maple-Rosemary Pear & Pecan Baked Brie

Luscious baked brie is topped with maple-rosemary sautéed pears and pecans. I mean. Yes.

Winter Crunch Salad with Apple, Persimmon & Toasted Seeds

This salad is a favorite: Tons of textures, and packed with salty-sweet-tangy-crunchy flavor from autumnal fruit, toasted seeds, hearty leaves, and heavenly fried shallots.