I’ve been spending almost every free moment with a human who is just single digit days old. I’ve been snatching her up the moment she’s ready to be burped, milk-sated and serene, all breath and softness and perfection. I’ve been in awe that such a thing as a newborn exists—this stunning evocation of human biology that can do nothing but be fiercely itself.
The newborn does not shy away, it does not question, it does not doubt, it does not self-assess. The newborn just fucking lives. It eats, it poops, it presents itself, in the perfection of its being, to the world. It hopes for the best—or perhaps it does not even have to hope at all.
And in the midst of all this baby love, I’ve been thinking a lot about my own being, the ways in which, as we grow older, we begin to doubt, to self-assess, to question, to shy away from what we really need. We do not just fucking live. We do not drink the proverbial mother’s milk of the universe. And I’ve been thinking about getting back to that. (Sidebar: Not my baby. Read more about my friends’ birth here.)
Post-childhood, it took me years to realize what it felt like to be comfortable in myself, in my own skin. I picked apart everything: The color of my skin (I grew up a minority in Hawaii), the color of my hair (ditto last parenthetical), the slope of my nose (hello, Jewishness), the, ahem, presence of my boobs, the way my body moved in space, the speed at which my mind calculated the allegiances and meannesses of my peers, the significant yearning of my heart to be accepted. I picked and I picked until, by the time I reached high school and then college, I didn’t see myself as someone who was very much fun. Serious, yes. Intelligent, yes. Emotionally deft, yes. But free? Hmmm.
I sought out groups and clubs that made me feel cool and accepted: Hello, crazy weird experimental theatre group. Hello, cultish yoga world. Hello, people who accepted me as I was (so long as I believed what they believed). Acceptance is a heady drug, and one that made it seductive to become who others wanted me to be.
It took me years to unwind all of that self-contortion, the many ways I shoved myself into molds other people had built. Years of uncomfortable, ruthless honesty, and a willingness to strip myself down until I could feel the simple marrow of my self, my humanness.
All of it just to get back to where I started: A newborn just as precious and beautiful and tender and free as the one I’m getting to know.
Now, as I watch her discover the feel of her limbs against the air, the arch of her spine hewn by the gravity of this planet, the taste of her mother’s milk, she reminds me: This is all I have to do. I just have to be myself. I just have to show up. It is a matter of constant vigilance.
And then, too, I probably have to make these roasted roots veggie bowls with citrus fennel yogurt and toasted hazelnuts. Because they’re just exactly what I want. No doubts, no questions, no fears. Pure spiced carrots, beets, sweet potatoes, and shallots, caramelized to roasty perfection and topped with yogurt infused with the season’s citrus and fennel in two forms. Topped with the crunchy warmth of hazelnuts. Eat it for dense veggie sustenance, for tastebud celebration, for newborn exuberance.
Get the recipe on this week’s Intuitive Eating with Kale & Caramel on Sonima.
ROASTED ROOT VEGGIE BOWL WITH CITRUS FENNEL YOGURT & TOASTED HAZELNUTS.
Ingredients
Roasted Vegetables
- 1 medium sweet potato washed and ends trimmed (purple or regular, or mix)
- 3 beets washed and trimmed (yellow, red, or mix)
- 1 cup medium-large shallot about 1/2 thinly sliced
- 3 carrots washed and trimmed
- 1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 1 teaspoon coriander seeds
- 1 teaspoon fennel seeds
- 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
- 1 teaspoon sea salt
- 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
Citrus-Fennel Yogurt Sauce
- 1/3 cup Greek yogurt
- 3 tablespoons fresh orange juice about 1/2 orange
- 1 tablespoon lemon juice about 1/2 small lemon
- 1/4 cup minced fennel
- 1 tablespoon fennel frond
- sprinkle sea salt to taste
- drizzle olive oil to taste
- 1/3 cup hazelnuts roughly chopped
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 425º Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.
- Slice beets into sixths. Slice sweet potato into similarly sized wedges. Slice carrots into long juliennes, about 1/4” thick. Peel and thinly slice the shallot.
- Use a spice grinder or mortar and pestle to grind the coriander and fennel seeds to a coarse consistency—mostly powder, with some texture of the seed remaining.
- Place all sliced veggies on parchment paper in a single layer, mixing to distribute evenly. Drizzle with olive oil, and sprinkle with ground coriander and fennel seeds, ground cumin, sea salt, and black pepper. Toss to coat evenly. Roast for 30-35 minutes, rotating pan and turning over veggies with a spatula halfway through. Remove once all veggies are tender and beginning to brown at the edges.
- While they roast, mix yogurt, orange and lemon juice, minced fennel, fennel frond, sprinkle of sea salt, and a drizzle of olive oil in a small bowl. Set aside.
- Place chopped hazelnuts on a small baking sheet and place in oven for 2-3 minutes. Remove when they are fragrant and just beginning to turn golden brown.
- Distribute roasted veggies to individual bowls, and top with citrus fennel yogurt and roasted hazelnuts.
